Update 4.30pm: I just ate instant noodles for lunch. 600kcal 21gfat. So much for desperately needing to get skinny sigh.

Ate soooo much and soooo quickly for dinner that I feel like puking now, literally. Was really hungry so I wolfed down all my food in a jiffy and now I feel super super sick yucks. I wanna keel over and vomit gross.

On the other hand, Mythbusters taught me that you can really use cheese to fire a cannon (the power is enough to put a hole through a canvas sail) and dropping an unopened can of tinned soup into a pot of boiling oil causes a giant fireball that reaches 100 feet high, no kidding. And they said cooking isn't hazardous.

Arrrrgggghhh food woes. Feeling really really sick now and I've so much work to do...

Oooh I've like 10 mins of free time before commencing work on my thesis so I thought I will write something. Life has been sucky with the damned thesis but frankly I am getting used to it. Like I wake up everyday and don't dread it at all, but just turn on my comp and start work. It is moving now but still moving waaaay too slowly for my deadline, so I have to hassle hassle hassle! I've been buying lots of nonsense online recently, probably as a form of entertainment of sorts (not really true cz I really dig all the items haha), and it kind of really got out of control yesterday when I accidentally bought a Gucci tote on ebay. I didn't know that submitting a best offer means committing to buying the bag if the seller accepts the offer, so now I am stuck with it!!! And I don't have the money to pay for it oh oh! I quite like it but I think $670 for another bag isn't money I should be spending now, cz I can give the money to Papa to go on a short hol or something, plus I have my eye on an Ostrich Indy or a black Guccissima Indi that I much rather splurge on than this everyday tote. Oh well. Ok the bottom is for my own tracking purposes.

My recent buys (and I wonder why I am always poor)





Nikola Necklace and Tee Set! I've always wanted a collar necklace like this and considering the price I paid, the oversized trapeze black tee is an additional perk thrown in! Will wear it with black tights, my satin leopard ballerina flats and carry my new rust coloured Gucci Indy (just arrived after a million years and omg it's SO amazingly lovely I was quite astounded! Definitely the nicest bag I own now!) with it! I think that'll look lovely! =)



Topshop Magnolia Playsuit in UK10. Much too big for me but I can alter it or wear it oversized!



Deyn Light Blue Denim Jeggings. I've always wanted a pair and now I have one! I'm fat now but I think I can fit into them once I exercise and lose the fat and flab!



Mint Deadstock Vintage Gucci Eyeglass Frames. Ok these are not mine cz ebay doesn't allow me to copy the photos, and these are honestly way cooler than mine now that I think about it, but the ones I bought are similar in shape and size, and I want to make them into shades with gradient brown tinted lenses. How '70s hahaha!



Loungefly I've Got A Black Belt In Crazy Tee!!! I'll upload the real pic when I find it but the pic above captures the spirit of my tee as the tee features a guy doing some karate kick hahaha! Tricera says this tee really suits me cz I really have a Black Belt in CRAZY! Gee thanks Baby!





Gucci Large Tote with crystal layer over the jacquard fabric. These pics are googled but the actual bag I got is BNWT so I think it'll look newer. I've always liked the red and blue ribbon colour scheme so I thought this bag was not bad, and the crystal laminate layer over the fabric will really help to keep the bag much cleaner, which really suits me since I'm a stickler for hygiene and cleanliness. I think it is waaaaay too expensive for my current budget and poverty-stricken existence though, but oh well. Take it as an expensive mistake.

That said, I currently am loving these bags! (mini Gucci Indy overload ahead)



Guccissima Large Indy in Black. Ok after my rust one came I found out that the large sized Indys are waaaay too big for my midget height and size, but this one still rocks haha!



Gucci Indy in Ostrich Oak colour. This is lovely but the only one I can find in Ostrich is in jet black, but that is in medium size too which is more suitable for me so I am quite keen. Where to get the moolahs though hahaha!



Gucci Babouska Fable Boston Bag with Russian Bunnies Embroidery. This bag ROCKS!!! Even Samsonne says that it is the coolest Gucci she has ever seen! But the price tag is way over 1.5k usd so definitely not for me!



And finally, I think this pleather school satchel is really cool! But I have so many casual bags so I don't think I should get another! I am currently really madly in love with Gucci Indys siao!

P.S. I had like 10mins to write before I started work but now it's 1 hr plus later oh oh! Working time now!!!

A rushed post but I've many things racing through my head now. I think I desperately need to buy some Mac Mineralise Skinfinish in Natural (what Teen Vogue recommends haha)to fix up my skin to look more groomed and put together like the model above. And while I'm at it maybe I should get some Mineralise Blush too as they're pretty. Hmmm...



This model has kickass lovely hair but her face is scary somehow. Her eyes have a hollow haunted look, like some undead creature.

It suddenly started pouring heavily which is always brilliant as I love rainy days. I have a lot of work to do but internet is distracting me. So what's new. Tricera's gonna KILL me...

Went prawning yesterday for the first time since June 08 when TimDanJan were here from Texas for Ming's wedding, and I'd heaps of fun even though Tricera was less satisfied as he said that we paid $30 to catch just 6 prawns hahaha! Well at least 2 of them were hugeass ones, and one of the big ones nipped me really hard twice on my right foot until I bled!



I like this photo as the girl looks so happy and healthy! Plus she's wearing the Topshop floral skorts that I liked but didn't buy cz they were too exorbitant at $73!

Just chanced upon the blog of this young Singaporean 19 yr old girl from Teen Vogue's website and wow she's really artistic, talented and humble, which is a mightily rare combination. She looks really simple and non-artistic (no offence), but from her writing, drawings, sketches and artistic inspirations she really comes across as someone who is supremely artistically inclined and intelligent, even if she might not "look" the typical arty-farty part. I find this highly refreshing as for once an artistic talent is not some overly style-conscious neurotic drama queen with a blog full of photos documenting her latest branded purchases, but someone who is quiet, sensitive, erudite, well-read, thrifty, emotionally-balanced and yet still very talented, as exhibited in her works and portfolio. She is currently pursuing a one year fine arts degree in LA now, and from her blog entries, she seems to be doing great. I think this girl Yi Lin is my new role model as she's so young at 19 but yet so sensible, non-psychotic (unlike me), artistic, driven in what she loves and wants to achieve in her life (again unlike me), and definitely hardworking (soooo unlike me sad to say). No one has ever achieved success without hard work, so discipline and lots of hours put into honing one's craft is definitely very important (yes tell that to myself, eg like how I should be writing my thesis NOW).

Ok I should go do my work now. Watching 2012 tonight, weeks after the movie opened. Lost interest in it once I realised that like all Hollywood movies, all the Chinese die and only the damned ang mohs survive, even if the Chinese built the ark-like ships that the bloody ang mohs escape on. Fucking Hollywood.

i just found that out today.

i thought that only diurnal and nocturnal exists... but apparently there's another category called crepuscular.


Crepuscular is a term used to describe some animals that are primarily active during twilight, that is at dawn and at dusk. The word is derived from the Latin word crepusculum, meaning "twilight." Crepuscular is thus in contrast with diurnal and nocturnal behavior. Crepuscular animals may also be active on a bright moonlit night. Many animals that are casually described as nocturnal are in fact crepuscular. Within the definition of crepuscular are the terms matutinal (or "matinal") and vespertine, denoting species active in the dawn and dusk respectively.

- Wikipedia


so that explains why she's friendliest during the evenings and in the middle of the night. when she jumps on my bed at 5am, she wants to play... but i always thought that she was hungry or something.

her sleeping habits aren't my fault either. it's not because mine is fucked up. that's a relief.


Fuelboy/Samsonne

P.S. I'm (trexandlamb) having a fucking panic attack right now and I don't really know why. I've already cancelled my long-awaited pampering morning facial session and lunch with a friend to stay in and slog on work but now the panic attack is really killing me. Freakass.

I've been feeling very different about things since my crazy nervous breakdown on Samedi nuit. I think a lot of things the Tricera said really sunk in, and it's true that I can't be this psycho neurotic bitch with a ton of issues even when I am 30. I have to get over them at some point, so it might as well be NOW. The dino was really right in saying that we decide on what we want our lives to be like and who we want to be, and it's pretty liberating when I consider how it's truly a clean slate for me to think about the person I wish to be hence on, the life that I wish to have, and just go have and LIV it! I also promised my Dino and myself that I'll no longer read other people's blogs cz they just make me compare stupid retarded things in our lives and make me feel illogically sad, and since that serves no constructive purpose whatsoever I should just stop it immediately. I think what is most important is what I want for myself in my life---what I hope to achieve, how I wish to live, the respectable person that I want to be, the goals that I want to attain... It really doesn't matter if other people are climbing mountains or popping out babies to make a family of 10 or going skiing in the Aspens, cz the key question is, Do I want those things? And the ans is almost always no, so what the fuck am I sad about? It's just madness, and yes I am absolutely mad.



There's no point always being sulky and mad, like Fuzzy up there with her cute petulant expression, so I might as well be super happy and enjoy my life, cz there are heaps and heaps of things in my existence that I should be dead grateful for! Thus from now on I won't think so much, will just go ahead and do all the things that I wish to do, LIV my life to the fullest and just be happy!



Life should always be quirky, crazy, colourful and happy, like this Liz Claiborne ad. See even an auntie brand can come up with such an inspired ad, so what else is not possible?! Am going to do my work now! Today's Mercredi already and I've not written a word since last Vendredi when I saw Indian God (oh oh...), plus it's already 5.22pm now! Will go work on my thesis now!

Whooooo today's an amazingly good day!!! I did stand in the sun for 15 mins at noon to wait for a damn cab but what the hell! Look at the cute lionhead rabbits above! The beige one in the first pic has a pouty petulant look like my Hitam, whereas the second one has crazyass hair, really a LIONhead rabbit man lols!

I am happy today! The thesis is fuckingfinally on the right track, I went to see Indian God and he was pretty distracted by his upcoming travel plans tomorrow so I didn't get zapped by his godly thunder bolts (even when I was amazingly 25 mins late omg) and he was even smiley, joking and cheerful throughout our meeting! I know that my work is currently still very subpar and totally unlike the usual standard that I am capable of producing (Indian God told me this several times during out meeting too), but I will hash out the whole thing first then edit edit edit later! But overall at least I don't have to keep rewriting bits anymore, and that makes me happy!

After my meeting with divinity I went to the library to zap stuff. Wanted to borrow the books I needed but they were all loaned out as usual. Motherfuckers who never return stuff grrrr. Then I bought Ritter Sport's butter biscuit chocolate and Wide Sargasso Sea (since my treasured copy evaporated from my bookshelf somehow, as did my McLeod postcolonialism book and Postcolonial Poetry in English which was 80 bucks!), then had lunch and coffee at the canteen. Being in school with all the younger school kids makes me feel weird. On one hand I feel slightly nostalgic for school days cz I have spent so many freaking years of my life studying, but on the other hand I feel sooooo glad to be out of there. Just now when I was at the lit corridor this gal and her bf came to collect their lit term papers, and as usual in typical Singaporean fashion the first thing she whined about when she retrieved her paper was "Huh... Not A...." Dumb bitch. Gosh I am soooo glad I am out of that kind of environment where all the focus is on grades and not learning, the stupid competition, the ridiculous covert sabotages... Bye bye to all that!

Anyway I told Tricera and he's happy for me too! We're gonna go out for dinner later to celebrate hahaha! Tonight we're having sushi since I am inspired by my sushi game lols! Happy!!!



This lionhead bunny looks a lot like Hitam! But it's a buck and his name is Brutus hahaha! Such a cute name for a rabbit. Brutus! I can imagine him being Hitam's bf! Brutus & Hitam hahahha! I am mad!

I DESPERATELY NEED A NEW LIFE



Have you ever had one of those days where you just feel super overwhelmed and like keeling over and dying? Well today is that day for me. My life totally resembles the topsy turviness of that photo above.

I was supposed to wake up super early to do work, go to school lib to zap notes, go see Teresa then go teach tuition, but because I had insomnia and only slept at 5 freaking am of course I couldn't wake up by 7am to crunch out more work, so I only managed to wake up at 12noon to rush some work then go for tuition. I reluctantly postponed Teresa's appointment (AGAIN, for like the 4th time literally sob...) but good thing there is a slot next Lundi, so I am going even if an A Bomb falls down!

I feel burnt out and so so tired. My life sucks. Everyday the hours fly by so quickly as I struggle to get my work out, and before I know it yet another day has slipped by. Today when I was changing the appointment for Teresa I was shocked to hear the appointment centre lady tell me that today is already the 19th of November. Like WTF?!?! Seriously?!

I feel so tired. I am so fat. My arms resemble chicken drumsticks and my tummy has 3 rolls. I look like a hundred years old and my hands are so wrinkley and dry. Arrrrggggh.... Nervous breakdown.



My arms look like this now. Rounded and chicken drumstick-like. And my hair looks EXACTLY like that, long, black-brownish and messy too. I hate it grrr.....

Seeing Indian God first thing tomorrow morning too. Bracing myself.

P.S. My LJ page is spoilt I can't change the font size or colour. Low-tech me probably doesn't know what to click lols.

Hmmm.... Yet another night where my brain is super awake even though I really need to sleep as I need to be up at 7am later to crunch out more work. I realise that I am actually not very efficient at all in terms of producing new work for my thesis daily. What I do manage to do is to edit the earlier sections, and just add on a little more, which frankly isn't gonna cut it at this point in time. I feel quite helpless and desperate, but Tricera says that slow (snail-paced, literally) progress is better than no progress, so I guess I just have to be contented with that for now. There is STILL so much more to be done and even though I know exactly what I have left to do, it feels overwhelmingly a lot, and I don't know how the hell I am going to get it all done by the end of like November including the full biblio, transcriptions and all. Arrrrgggghhhh..... Serves me right. I am never going to overestimate myself and my own abilities again. I am such a moron.

Played a new sushi game today---my life is very sad now I hardly leave the house and my only form of entertainment is from Big Fish Games hahaha---and Tricera was v sweet as he says I can buy the games I like with the game credits that he got me. Such a darling dino!!! The sushi game's called Asami's Sushi Shop and it's fun! Makes me wanna eat sushi haha! Sashimi and sushi used to be my all-time perennial fav staple foods that I could eat daily and never ever get sick of, especially sashimi, but since last yr my liking for it has waned a lot. I guess I feel bad for all the tuna being slaughtered just for otoro, and yesterday's shark documentary I watched during lunch doesn't help too. I know there's no shark sashimi but the point is human beings are fucked up and just deplete all the animals and sea creatures for food or profits, and this is why I seriously hope the Mayan prediction of the world exploding in 2012 will come true. We SO deserve it! I will never forget how the shark was finned alive and dumped back into the sea half-dead to drown finless... Gross and heart-wrenching... Plus sharks are highly intelligent too, so the cruelty enacted on them is a thousand times worse. Definitely no shark's fin soup at my wedding dinner.




Here's a photo of Mary-Kate looking like Jesus haha. Somehow the picture just reminds me of Jesus lols. Anyway the point is my hair looks as long and messy as hers in the photo now, except that mine is dark brown. I wanna cut it so badly into a shorter more modern cut, but I don't have time wtf! I wanna cut it like this




I think this length and layered style is good. She looks much prettier with this hairstyle too! Ok I am rambling so I will go to sleep! Pray for all the sharks out there!!! Screw idiotic humans! I really wonder if I can have the discipline to be vegetarian.... Hmmm.....

P.S. I'm really looking forward to the drive with all the Miata Club people after wanton mee dinner on Samedi! Need some time to unwind and spend with Baby!!!

Currently my life feels exactly like the mad boho Bag Lady that Mary-Kate is so embodying in the picture above. I feel ungroomed, dishevelled, out of touch with all my friends and living a crazy life, just like how MK's life must be like having to constantly dodge all the paparazzi in New York City.

Today I restarted work on the thesis with renewed vigour (haha!) and I managed to edit like 4000 words from Chapter 3, which isn't a lot but hey at least it's a start. I did try to switch from mere summary to critical analysis mode, and I think I did ok ok. Lots of room for improvement of course, but now the key is to get all the chapters hashed out first. I really really wanna do this well and not like fail the whole freaking MA (and this looms as a pretty real possibility now), so I will continue working hard on it tomorrow. No pain no gain man sigh.

I find that after a whole day of thinking my brain seems pretty awake late at night and I can't get to sleep. It's like the bulbs in there are still lit and buzzing, and it takes a while for the lights to dim and switch off into rest mode. This is why I usually end up being awake late at night even though I desperately need the rest as tomorrow is yet another full day of writing and thinking. The deadline looms closer and closer and I am honestly afraid, but there is no point feeling scared so I might as well channel that energy into trying my darnest for it.

This Jeudi I can either choose to go see Indian God or Teresa. Although I know that it is important to go see Indian God I really really do want to go see Teresa. I think I really do need to have someone to talk too after all the recent trauma of the thesis and my constant existential crisis, plus I kept pushing our last two or three appointments forward, so I feel very bad. Gosh I really wish I can see Teresa this Jeudi.

On a closing note before I head off to bed and attempt to fall asleep this time (tried just now at 1230am and failed), this is how short I look without heels since Mary-Kate and I are the same midget height of 5 2" omg!!!



P.S. My period just came and that's always great news!!! Nothing beats having to write a 30,000 word thesis, dealing with an existential crisis AND being pregnant ALL at the same time!

Hello these are the things I bought online yesterday when I was feeling depressed. Later in the day Tricera and I played my new Murder She Wrote game together and I cheered up haha!!!



Mylee Bag in Wine. I love the rich magenta colour of the bag and the Miu Miu-esque patchwork design on the faux leather. I've been resisting buying casual/non-high-quality pleather bags for a long long time as I know that I always just carry them for a short while and then they end up in my bag wardrobe, never to see the light of day again. But this bag caught my eye and I do love the delicious rich colour and chain strap details, so it's a treat for me! =)




I love this cardi as cardigans are one of my all-time favourite clothing items!!! I love the navy material with the red embroidered hearts, and it can't be seen from this picture but the front closing of the cardi is quite unique as it's not the typical button-down look, but a four snap brass button closure right at the front bottom. I blocked out the model's face as I figured she might want some privacy, plus it looks funnier with my self-doodled cat face hahaha!!!






Samsonne called yesterday to tell me that the Muse concert tickets for 2010 were open for sale so I went online and bought them immediately! I think we got pretty good seats---cz I refuse to stand and squish in front with all the sweaty smelly crowd after what we saw at Fort Canning Park during their first concert here in 2007 which Samsonne and I went for and loved---and this time the Dino is coming along! He didn't go for the one with us in 2007 and gosh to concert was sooooo good, even though I wasn't as big a fan then. I think I knew like, what, 3 of their songs before I went for the concert? Lols! But now I am a convert and definitely a huge fan! I love their new Undisclosed Desires song. Tricera and I always blast that when we are driving on the highways cz the beat of the song goes so well with (speed) cruising in the car! Muse is performing in Paris today incidentally, one of my fav cities! =)

Ok back to work now. I am gonna approach my thesis with renewed interest and vigour. I will not let things get to me and I will overcome all difficulties with aplomb and tenacity! =) Go me!!!